The Babbler #3: An High Minded Opinion On Infidelity

I’m an hopeless romantic, so, a few years ago, when a friend of mine asked me ‘If you had a girlfriend,’ (here he smiles, because he knew at that point in my life that I never had a meaningful relationship) ‘and you were cheating on her, would you get upset if you found out that she was cheating on you, too?’ it peeked my interest. Of course I used the P.C version, not because the original question was any more explicit then the one above other than a ‘Bitch’ here or a ‘Fucking’ there, I just wanted to say it as clear as I could because it’s an important question. At 1st I didn’t think my friend intended for it to be an important question because he asked it while we were smoking weed in a joking manner. Being a writer sometimes I over think but when I answered with a causal shrug of the shoulders I quickly realized that it was an attempt to rationalize his own thoughts and feelings towards the matter and by finding out if someone else held his opinion. I did not.

‘If I caught my bitch cheating and I was doing my dirt on the side, yeah I would still be mad.’ He paused to see what I had to say on this topic. But all I said was ‘This some good weed. Where’d you get it from.’ This made him a little mad, which he tried to hide. Little did he know that inside of my smoke clouded head I’ve already answered the question with a quick ‘No.’ which I believed to be the rational answer. Why get mad at someone doing you wrong if you are doing them the same way.

Let’s say, for an example, you were about to rob me and I ended up robbing you. Would you be upset? Of course, because you just had your belongings took. But to be fair in an agreed upon unfair world you would have to come to terms with it because your intentions were as malice as mine. That’s my rationality. Yours may differ, as did my friend’s when it came to his question. When you are high off of cannabis it causes you to think, it also causes you not to want to move from the position seated or standing or crouching (a favorite position of a brief girlfriend of my brother’s. She also liked to howl once in a while out of the clear blue which I found hilarious because the neighborhood dogs use to howl back and I could never control my self from turning to my brother and saying something in the lines of ‘You found you a real bitch, huh?’ He never found that funny.) And since I was stuck in a major slouch on the couch I agreed to myself to allow to conversation to develop because you never know a great tread (tread? I mean theme, please excuse my social networking slang. Lol.) For a short story or even a book could come from this. It didn’t. My friend asked me the question again as if he never asked in the first place, either because he was high as I was or he really needed to know my opinion on the matter. So I repeated ‘No.’ and quickly asked him ‘Would you?’ even though he had already said his opinion. And he repeated it verbatim. He was serious, so I allowed my weed soaked mind to switch into my pseudo-intellectual persona although I didn’t have a such thing but that was the first time I acted like I did so I went with it and started my response with ‘And that’s how you rationalize it. I on the other hand would not allow myself to become upset at such a thing because it would be pointless unless I was a person that felt that morals is a situational event meaning in the situation that what I believe is moral shall not be broken if it’s towards me and that since I control my own action towards others and I have free will thus giving me the right to act as moral or immoral towards others and still stand strong in my moral beliefs if it offends my moral code.’

‘Huh?’ was his response as well as mine. Remember I was under the influence but what I was trying to say was simply people don’t judge their actions as tough as they judge others. Example: I like to talk and I’m very opinionated and I sometimes catch my self getting mad at someone for not listening to me completely and allowing me to finish my statement because they had cut me off to comment on one of the 300 topics I had crossed in my monologue (which my conversation seems to head towards when someone give me free range in the pseudo-conversation, which often turns out poorly because I would forget the main topic and have lost the person’s attention about four paragraphs back when I started talking about how to make a cake sandwich (which is made with peanut butter and jelly, cake (of your liking and), sliced bananas, and add a tall glass of milk (of your liking, I like strawberry milk myself). I don’t like when a person do that same thing to me but needed to realize that I do it myself and wouldn’t ever stop because I don’t want to. I like to talk. Why you think I write? It gives people a reason to listen to what I have to say without them having a chance to just walk a way from me and have me standing there looking stupid which hasn’t happened yet but I have already prepared my a plan if it does. I will simply keep on talking rising my voice a few octaves and back away slowly as if trying to finish something very important to a person in a rush. That’s way I’m hoping people viewing this would see it that way while in all actuality the person that I was talking to is trying to get away from me. But if you think about it everyone likes to talk and just let it all out once in a while. That’s what made Freud come up with his free association methods which I love because it gives you free range to talk about a million unrelated topics even if they doesn’t make sense because some times making sense is overrated. So to be fair I listen more because listening to each other in a dragged out monologue is the foundation of any relationship with a family member, friend, or lover.

I gave this same example to my friend about being fair but he didn’t understand what I was trying to say. I quickly realized this when he said ‘I don’t understand what the fuck your talking about?’ I tried to explain that I was using the talking thing as an example. ‘Fuck an example. Why wouldn’t you get mad if you catch your girl cheating even though you are cheating on her?’

Now I thought I needed to go at this with another approach so I said ‘Infidelity is a pointless transgression. Why cheat on your significant other? Those who are guilty of this transgression believe that they have valid reasons, as they would believe that they have valid reasons why they would cheat and not simply leave who they are with. Those with the latter valid reasons would rationalize their infidelities with reasons such as, I love him or her or I just wasn’t ready to settle down or I cheated because my girl or boyfriend cheated on me or I made a mistake or I have x number of years with him or her and there are children evolved or blah blah blah blah.

Infidelity is immoral simply because it hurts. Unless at the on set of the relationship the two of them agree upon an open relationship the two participants are obligated by commitment and or love to remain faithful to the other. It’s no secret that even though we get into committed relationships we still may find others outside of the relationship attractive but to fulfill the temptation we may happen upon if the opportunity arises is a direct violation to the agreement of commitment.

It’s possible that one grows out of love with the one they are with but an honest person would tell the other. And that’s the simple why of refuting those who believe infidelity is just another trait of the human condition, which is true, however it doesn’t make it right.

Infidelity is dishonest, not loyal, a betrayal. Those last three words should be enough for us as loving and moral humans to stray away from such transgression. But we are humans and we make mistakes. It’s a saying, if you knew better you would do better, and that makes sense but how much of our human interactions or actions make much sense.

Simply put, infidelity is a waste of two people time and an aggravated assault on the institute of commitment. If you disagree with my use of the term institute of commitment, as would most modern thinkers such as myself, you have to look at it as a basis or foundation to the family.

Infidelity is pointless because instead of lying and betraying yourself and your significant other you could simply leave that relationship or not get evolved. It’s less complicated not to cheat then it is to be honest to everyone evolved.’

He looked at me and smiled before saying. ‘Man fuck that shit. You always trying to be smart and say the right thing. Fuck morality and infidelity. You’d be mad. Your fronting.’

That was the end of that conversation and once again my intelligent won a debate. Not really but it’s fun to sound smarter than the person you’re talking to even if what you’re saying is rational to no one but yourself.

More recently another friend of mine who I also worked with at the time asked me a question that reminded me of the one above. He question was ‘How would you reacted if you walked in on your girl having sex with someone on your bed.’ This question was different because One, I wasn’t high because I was at work . . . no. No.. I was high, we both was high. We had smoked before we opened up the shop it was a pizza shop so it was the perfect place to have the munchies. The reason it was different I have been in my first relationship for the past 15 months prior to his question where as I never have been in a relationship before the first friend’s question. So I had to answer this truthfully ‘I don’t know.’ This question makes me a little nervous because like every other person in a relation this question of infidelity pops in the mind in some form. I asked ‘What would you do?’

‘Probably kill both of them, just like you would.’

‘No I wouldn’t.’ I screamed back. But the truth is I had no idea what I’d do. And it’s sad I think I would just cry and kick both of them out. Unmanly right? I would also scream hard profanities at them for messing up my bed sheets. Most people would say or simply would ‘Fuck shit up!’ which was the answer I received from my girl before she asked ‘Why, you think you’ll get caught soon?’ ‘I looked at her the way a dog looks at his owner when they get the wrong kind of dog food. I explained to her my friend question and the one from a few years ago; ‘If you had a girlfriend and you were cheating on her, would you get upset if you found out that she was cheating on you, too?’

And to my joy my girl said ‘No. But we would have to break up because two wrongs don’t make it right but cause two people in the relationship to have resentment towards the other which is far worse then only one half of the relationship angry at the other.’ I smiled to this because then she went on a monologue that included a vary of topics from face book to Pattie La Bells’ recipe for meatloaf causing both of us to forget about the question presented by my friends and forgotten about dreadful infidelity and enjoyed each others company. During one of her many brief pauses in her conversational monologue she smile her pretty smile and said. ‘Pass the weed.’

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